A Man Who Shall Remain Nameless.

So there's this guy. Let's call him, Lemont. And he’s dick.

He has been put into my life to test my patience, forgiveness and faith in God. What has Lemont done? On the surface it doesn’t seem like much, just a general lack of kindness, support and understanding. Here is an allegory that best expresses our relationship.

Imagine you are a duck named Natasha and there’s this other duck named Lemont. And Natasha is sleeping under a tree and Lemont comes along and shits in Natasha’s eye.

Natasha forgives Lemont.

Next, imagine then that Natasha the duck is taking an afternoon swim, when she gets a cramp. She is trying to tread water but is bobbing beneath the surface. Natasha opens her mouth to cry out for help and Lemont shits in her mouth.

Natasha forgives Lemont.

Finally Natasha the duck sees her friend Nora the robin has a broken wing. Natasha does everything she can to save her friend but it looks like Nora is badly hurt. Natasha the duck can see the life is slipping away from her dear friend Nora the robin. Natasha tries hold back her tears. And just as Nora tries to utter the words, “I love you,” Lemont shits in Nora’s mouth.

You get the point.

My new goal is to figure out how to turn lemons into lemonade (preferably lemonade with some Malibu), and find the good in my relationship with Lemont. Because if it doesn’t change, I’ll pluck, skin, batter and deep fry his ass…with love and understanding.