Improv Viagra

Those that know me, know that I'm a bit of a control freak. I enjoy getting things done my way, and getting them done right (not mutually exclusive). Improv for me is a way to let go. I let go of the reigns and give myself over to a medium where there perfection does not exist, where the stakes are huge, and where I can be myself. This not only humbles me, but it challenges me to learn and grow as a performer, and as a person.

And boy, was I humbled last night at rehearsal.

I was frustrated, not in the usual, "God, why am I still performing with these people," sense, but in the "I've forgotten how to do this, " sense. There were many factors that contributed to my feeling like walking and talking were just too much to ask. And I suspect my recent sleep-deprivation binge had something to do with it.

My wheels were spinning trying to find traction in the scene work, but could never make contact. And while there was a large part of me that just didn't give a damn (the sleepy part), a bigger part of me was concerned that I lost my mojo. Usually improv can invigorate me and give me a second wind, but not last night.

Last night, improv wooed me. It hit all the usual spots that can get me off: a good solid warm-up, good attendance, and starting on time (Oh, yeah. I'm freaky like that). Everything was seemingly in place. I should have been able to slip into scenes, commit and get my improv rocks off for the night.

But nothing happened.

I felt like a spectator, rather than a participant. In the middle of a scenes I'd think to myself, "What am I doing? I've done this before, right? How do I edit scenes again? This isn't fun." (Talk about being in your head).

I finished rehearsal without achieving an improvgasm. It was just plain awful, not to mention unsatisfying. The amazing (and slightly masochistic) thing is that it's rehearsals like this that make me love improv all the more.

This is an art form whose ceiling gets higher with every rung of the ladder you pass. The trick is to keep climbing. Because, while there is never any mastery, the view of world from up there is effing amazing.