I Loved the 90's

This article from the New York Times came out last week and it took me back.

I was instantly transported to 1993. I was brought back to a time when Awkward was my middle name, and Insecurity was my best friend and there was a Clinton was trying to be president. (Some things don't change). I remember watching the premiere of My So-Called Life and thinking, "Finally. There is a series out there that's telling the truth. That is saying what I'm thinking." Sure, I wasn't a middle class white kid living in Pittsburgh, but I was pretty damn close.

I had a Jordan Catalano (Elliot) who I pined for with every waking breath. I had a Rayanne Graff (Rachel) a girl who tried to get me to stray outside the ridged square from which I lived (live?) my life. I even had Brian Krakow (Jeremy), a guy who saw me and who I failed to see until it was too late.

I. Loved. This. Show.

Which is why I listened to the NYT and purchased my very own copy of the series. This box set is like emotional crack mixed with some kind of adolescent hallucinogen. In a word, perfect.

If you know what's good for you, you will:

1. Stop reading this blog.
2. Go out and purchase your very own box set of MSCL
3. Put on your glasses, retainer and scrunchie.
4. Watch the DVD's
   
5. Enjoy the fact that you're older, by reliving what it was like when you were younger.

You're welcome.

Say What?

I grew up in a very conservative, very strict household. This affected nearly every aspect of my young life - particularly what music I was "allowed" to listen to.

I remember one particular day when the issue of music was addressed head on. One day when I was in the car with my mother (I was driving, clearly too old to be told what to listen to). I was feeling bold, so I asked my mom if I could turn from the Christian radio station and listen to the Top-40 station.


To my shock and delight, she said yes. I wasted no time in turning the station. I stopped the dial when I heard my FAVORITE song start to play. It was the newest hit from Blue, Too Close.

I had heard this song many times at school and in my room (out of earshot of my parents). I was thrilled to be pumping it for my mom.


The following is what happened on that fateful day:

(Both my mother and I are dancing in our seats, and I begin to sing along).

Baby when we're grinding
I get so excited
Oh, how I like it
I try but I can't fight it
Oh you're dancing real close
Plus it's real, real slow
You're making it hard for me.

(I hear the last lyric and get what it means. I look over at my mom).

All the slow songs you requested
You're dancing like you're naked
Oh, it's almost like we're sexing (oh yeah)

(My mom looks over at me.)

Yeah boo, I like it
No, I can't deny it
But I know you can tell
I'm excited, oh girl

(I roll down the window to try to drown out the sound.)

Step back you're dancing kinda close
I feel a little poke coming through
On you
Now girl I know you felt it
Before you know I can't help it
You know what I wanna do

(We hit a stop light, so the wind is no longer helping to muffle the radio.)

Baby girl's dancing so close
Ain't a good idea
Cuz I'mma want you now and here
The way that you shake it on me
Makes me want you so bad sexually
Oh girl

(I reach for the dial to turn the station, but my mom stops me).

Baby when we're grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can't fight it
Oh, your dancing real close
Plus real real slow
You're making it hard for me

(My heart is pounding, and I being to sweat.)

[Blue] I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
[Girl] I see that you like it like that, ha, ha, hahh
[Blue] I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
[Girl] I see that you like it like that, ha, ha, hahh

(I start to speed in an effort to get home before I faint.)

Baby when we're grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can't fight it
Oh, your dancing real close
Plus real real slow
You're making it hard for me

(This repeats four times....playing the whole way home.)

I pull into our driveway and turn off the car. My mother and I sit in silence. The only thing that can be heard is my sound of my uneven breaths.

My mother and I still have never spoken of this incident.

My mother has loosened up quite a bit since then. Irony of ironies, my mother sang the following chorus to me while dancing (suggestively) in the kitchen, the last time I was up to visit her:

This is why I'm hot [2x]
This is why [2x] Uh
This is why I'm hot (Uh)
This is why I'm hot [2x] Whoo
This is why [2x]
This is why I'm hot


My mom is awesome.

My Heart Belongs to Magnum

I have loved, and will always love Tom Selleck.

My attraction of Tom, isn't rational, nor is it shared by many people. But I don't care. There is something down right holy about him. I am undone by his wavy hair. (I mean how many 62 year olds have all their hair?) I am hypnotized by his dimples. And more than anything, I cannot resist his mustache.

He has more dependability in one follicle of his 'stache than most men have in their whole bodies. His mustache is always there. It's always trimmed. And it's always gives me hope, that in this crazy mixed up world, there is something (someone) that will never change.

I recently decided to name his mustache "Craig." Here is a haiku about Craig that best expresses what "he" has meant to me over the years:

Hair, doves, shaving cream.
Whiskers, tickle and tease me.
You make sense of us.

I know that Tom and Craig won't be around forever. So I am going to enjoy them while I can. I want to be able to tell my children, and my children's children, that I took time out to recognize and honor one of God's angels for always being there for me.

Do the Urkel?

In 1989 the world was introduced to a little show called, Family Matters, and I was introduced to my first hardcore-television crush. His name was Jaleel White, but the world knew him as Steve Urkel. I knew him as, the love of my life.

Like most television series that are past their prime (and about to die), the writers and producers took the show into nonsensical, sci-fi wacky land. In the 7th season, Steve Urkel creates a "cool" machine that magically created his more attractive alter ego, Stefan Urquelle.

I loved Stefan. I wanted to, like, totally marry him. I wanted to do the Urkel, if you know what I mean. He was suave, cool and in control. There was even an episode where the love of my life used a New Edition concert to woo his crack-whore of a love interest, Laura Winslow.

Notice how he moves. The low, thrust, squat-walk. How could I resist?



Yes, I'm embarrassed by the fact that I watched Family Matters as late as 1997. I'm also embarrassed by the fact that I found Steve/Stefan attractive. But I feel that in an effort to move forward, and get over Jaleel, I have to accept the fact that I indeed loved...and lost.

R.I.P. Stefan Urquelle.

90's Robyn

In the 90's I rocked out to a song called, Show Me Love, by a little known Sweed named Robyn. Like most of the artists of the 90's she was a product of her label's producers and had very little to say about what would be her one-hit-wonder of a record.



Pissed off and determined to be an artist on her own terms, she went back to Stockholm. Over the last 10 years she created her own lable, and produced this year's most bitchin' record appropriately entitled, Konichiwa Bitches. The first single off this album is With Every Heartbeat, and it's brilliant.



Welcome back, Robyn.