A little known DC fact: DC cabdrivers generally go for curly-haired, thick, black-chicks getting over a chest cold.
In the last month I've taken a few cabs . And when my drivers aren't trying to hustle me, they are coming on to me. Imagine the following being said with a thick Ghanaian or Arabic accent:
"So, is there a man waiting for you at home?"
"Why isn't your husband picking you up?"
"Are you leaving work? A good man would not make you work."
"You are so beautiful. Are you from the islands?"
"Why are you out so late? Your husband sit at home and cry why you gone."
These comments result in me talking (at length) about my imaginary boyfriend/husband/lover. I do this for two main reasons: First of all, while I might come off as a tough girl, I still can get creeped out fairly easily. So, if I get unsolicited comments like this I start to think that the cabby wants to drive me someplace that's NOT my apartment. Next thing you know, Milk Carton City. Secondly, by making up a fake man, I also get to make up a fake life which is just downright hilarious.
Here's few of my favorite Fairytale responses:
"Yes, my husband is waiting at home. He just got in from Paris. He's french. I married him so he could have his green card and we fell in love."
"My boyfriend isn't picking me up because he's sleeping. He just got back from shooting a film in NY. I can't tell you his name, but I certainly "Got my groove back." ... Diggs, I'm dating Taye Digs."
"No, I'm not leaving work. I just left the doctors. (crying) I'm pregnant and I don't know how to tell my boyfriend."
"Yes, actually. I'm from the islands but my marriage was arranged when I was very young so I grew up mostly in the states."
"I'm only allowed one night out each month. He's not crying. I made him dinner before I left and his girlfriend is there to keep him company."
5 comments:
I was recently in a cab with a driver who said he was confused - when women got manicures, how could they cook? "Maybe they don't cook," I replied.
"Oh, they are not married."
"Or, maybe their husbands cook."
[Offended snort.]
How about... "That's him." [taxi pulls up to curb where John Cusack stands arms raised, holding a boom-box playing Peter Gabriel]
I laughed out loud, loudly, at the Taye Diggs one. It reminds me of every girl out here. "Oh yea, I'm dating someone, I cant say who...its....(insert C list actor I have never heard of here)"
The best story is the truth.
"Yes, do have a boyfriend. His name is Justin, and he just got back from Afghanistan. He is getting the Medal of Valor. You see, he was trapped behind enemy lines and single handedly took out an enemy squadron that was about to destroy an orphanage. He's a Green Beret."
He lets you go out once a month?
What is he, some kind of radical feminist?
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