Either I give off a certain pheromone or some high-pitched noise that only freaks are privy to, because it never fails. I'll be on the metro and some retard will make it a point to seek me out as if my presence is some siren-song that he can't resist.
All I want to do is: sit on a train, try not to fart and get home safe.
Tonight this weirdo threatened this simple goal. So there I was on the train tonight, minding my own business. I've got the "leave me alone" ear buds in. I'm wearing the "it's cold outside so leave me alone" hat. My eyes are down, in the "seriously, leave me alone" position. And what happens? Some guy in the seat facing mine (who is wearing sun glasses at 11:45 at night I might add), is leaning over in his seat trying to catch my eye. Because my head (and eyes) are down, he leans over so far that he is practically looking under my seat - all in an effort to get my attention.
Now this of course sends me into a gastrointestinal frenzy. I overcompensate and try to "play it cool," which manifests in the most unnatural head-bopping to music (which isn't playing). I finally arrive at my stop and want to show my new best friend that I am unaffected by his lame visual assault. I decide to fake-yawn, only my fake-yawn didn't have any sound. I was so nervous I forgot to make the damn sound. So, as I exited the train I opened my mouth really wide (while bopping my head of course) and slightly, just slightly farted.
2 comments:
I laughed, laughed, laughed at this post. You lady, are a masterpiece of nature.
shouldn't you really be trying to fart if some sketchball is trying to put the moves on you? Like look up, straight-faced, and do the lean over on one buttcheek so you can let it out. hopefully audibly.
You'd think that might get rid of them....
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