Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya

Mom and Dad celebrating after one of my shows.

My mom rocks. (She's crazy, but she rocks). Sharon has lived through a lot. She's strong and doesn't take any shit. Mom's the kind of woman that speaks her mind and filters very little as a result. Because of that, my mother and I have had some of the most hilarious conversations I've ever had the privilege to be a part of.

I just got off the phone with her and here's a transcript of our conversation:

(Note: This conversation has not been embellished for comedy. This conversation actually happened.)

Me: Hey momma!
Mom: How's my baby doing?
Me: Good, just napping.
Mom: Don't you have rehearsal?
Me: Not today, I 'm getting some much needed rest. I had it every night this week.
Mom: I'm on a date with your father.
Me: You two are still dating?
Mom: Yes. It's his office Christmas Party on the Spirit of Philadelphia.
Me: Nice! That sounds cool. You guys all dressed up?
Mom: Girl, I look hot. I feel beautiful. I have cleavage out!
Me: Mom!?
Mom: When you get old you have to start showing cleavage. If you don't, you'll look old. Some people when they get old, they wear turtlenecks. I'm not wearing no turtle necks.

[beat]

Me: Make sure you get some pictures.
Mom: (quizzically) Of my cleavage?
Me: NO!!! Of you and dad on the boat.
Mom: Ok. Cuz I look good.

[cutting to the end of the conversation]

Mom: I'll talk with Dad about when we'll be down to see your show.
Me: Just come to the closing weekend, the first weekend in January. You'll be less busy then.
Mom: Are you sure? Won't you be stale if we wait 'til the end?
Me: When you come, wear a turtleneck.

I love you mom.