A Sailor Went to Sea Sea Sea, and died.

I went on an audition yesterday, kind of.

I was surprised a few days ago when I got a call from an casting agent in Tokyo. She had seen me perform improv downtown and thought of me when she was asked to cast show. Now if this in and of itself weren't enough, the show happens to pay 2K and performs for only one weekend in Osaka and Tokyo (all expenses paid). Needless to say, I was jazzed to get the call.

Later via email I learn that the show is in fact a kids' show. Not ideal, but for 2K and only 3 days of work I'd do a strip show (let's just be real). So, I agree to the money, er, um...I mean I agree to do the show. I then get notice that the producers want to meet with me. They have my headshot and resume, but they want to make sure that I have the goods. Now, I'm told that this meeting is just a formality and that they like what they've seen. No worries. Right?

Wrong.

I go to a small voice studio in the heart of Tokyo. Yes, this children's show is a musical. Am I worried? No. It's kids music and holiday themed. They didn't even want me to prep 16 bars, they wanted me to do a cold reading and sing from a CD they have. Easy.

I get to the studio, and I meet with the musical director for the show. It's all very odd. There are 8 women and only the agent and I speak English. I'm told they want me to sing "A Sailor Went to Sea Sea Sea." This confuses me slightly, but I oblige. 2K, 2K, 2K....right? Right.

The music director, on the grand piano, warms me up in front of the 8 women. She then stops and begins to tell me in MANY uncertain terms that I should lift my soft palate more to get a more open sound. This slightly confuses me, but I oblige. 2K, 2K, 2K....right? Right.

I follow the instructions and lift my soft thingy and she is pleased, however temporarily. She then wants me to sing the song. The producer puts in the CD and out comes the sound of a very calypso-Christmas version of A Sailor Went to Sea Sea Sea. It's cute, funny, and jazzy. Three things I happen to be good at. So when cued, I sing. And it's not that bad. It's A Sailor Went to Sea Sea Sea for crying out loud. It's not Andrew Lloyd Webber, right? Wrong. She stops me and tells me in even more uncertain terms that she wants me to sing it in an opera-style.

Yes. Opera-style. What she said was translated to me as, "opera-style."

I'm confused by this, so I turn to look at the agent/translator again and she confirms that I am to sing A Sailor Went to Sea Sea Sea in an opera-style, in a room full of Japanese women. I am to do this with a straight face. I oblige. 2K, 2K, 2K....right? Right.

I get through this version. What I didn't realize is that I would have to go through about 29 takes of the song. "Natasha, why did you use the word "take" to describe the number of times you sang the song? Isn't that used just for film?" Yes. But I was on film.

Oh, did I fail to mention that I was being recorded? Yeah, I was being recorded by a woman who sat on the floor under the piano (because, like I said there were 8 other women in the tiny studio).

I start to sing (opera-style) the 27th take of a Sailor Went to Sea Sea Sea, and I'm stopped again. By this time I've taken off my shoes, and scarf and rolled up my sleeves. My soft palate is having spasms and I'm parched. I'm then told that my phrasing isn't fluid, and that while my pitch and melody is on point they want it more connected....more opera-y.

At this point I want to say to them, "Listen ladies, that muthafuckin' sailor done seen all he gonna see see see, so let's turn this GD ship around before somebody gets hurt."

But I don't say that.

2K, 2K, 2K...right? right!?! Right.

I sing what I think is the last take, and it is. I have never been so happy in my life to leave an audition. During the walk from the studio to the train I succumbed to the full extent of the injuries suffered from the audition. The remedy was listening to my iPod and texting some fellow actor friends to reaffirm the goodness in life and in the art from I've dedicated my life to.

I find out Monday if I landed the gig.
We'll have to see see see what happens.